Isn't just too too too tooooo much a-gurgling and churgling and over-arcing and under-the-rugging in this techno-kray-zee world? In the spirit of calming things down, this Monday I offer a wee but wicked poem, typed on ye olde 1961 Hermes 3000:
[[ My first attempt at typing on a typewriter in nearly thirty years ]]
[[ My writing assistant denies any and all responsibility for slipshod typing or head-scratching sushi poetry. ]]
THANK YOU, TYPEWRITER TECHS My refurbished 1961 Hermes 3000 typewriter has arrived in Mexico City. Typewriter Techs, the Riverside, Illinois company that refurbished it, shipped it to California in a box so well padded it could have survived a Mars landing; having discarded the packing materials and box, I then grew some new biceps carrying it on board my flight home. I'd say it weighs about the same as a wet brick. It was a loooooong way from the security screening area to the gate. Jack LaLanne, watch out.
[[ No, not the French scarf company. This Hermes was of Swiss manufacture of yore. ]]
The color is just as I had hoped, a foamy celadon (although it looks gray in this photo— too strong a flash). [>>CONTINUE READING THIS POST AT WWW.MADAM-MAYO.COM] LIKE TIME TRAVELING I'm old enough to have had nearly two decades of experience with typewriters, both manual and electric, before I started using a computer in the late 1980s. It was an eerie experience to type on a typewriter again... like time traveling. My first attempts at typing on this antique were clumsy, since I am, as are we all, so used to letting fingertips fly over a laptop's keys and making scads of corrections en medias res and whatever whenever wherever and with the benefit of, after penicillin and sliced bread, the bestest thing ever invented: CNTRL Z! But I like the deliberateness of typing on a manual typewriter— the goose-stepping linearity of it. That is the whole point, for me as a writer now. (Why? See my previous post, Consider the Typewriter. Am I kidding? No, I am not kidding.)
Madam Mayo says, The Anti-Digital Revolution will be Youtubed! And blogged! And, when I get around to it, tweeted!
Git yer iron-knee right here, on a spatula!
But seriously, check out this fine trailer for philosopher Richard Polt's
"The 3000 model is a Swiss segment-shifted typewriter with excellent alignment, smooth carriage return, and quality manufacturing, introduced in the fifties. You’ll find it in a wonderfully bulbous body, painted in a color that some call “sea-foam green”... Not the very fastest or snappiest typewriter, but “buttery” in its smoothness, as fans like to say... Users include Larry McMurtry, Sam Shepard, Eugene Ionesco, and Stephen Fry."
A tip of the Stetson to my fellow Texan Mr. McMurtry. As for Monsieur Ionesco, voila l'entrevue:
[[ Watch the interview with English subtitles here.
No, alas, Ionesco's Hermes 3000 does not make an appearance.
Mais nous pouvons utiliser notre imagination. ]]
[[ My 1961 Hermes 3000 arrived in its original carrying case, along with, LOL, total yay, a packet of jellybeans!! ]]
[[ The original 1961 Hermes 3000 instruction manual (Ha! Will those websites and YouTube videos still be available and playable in 55 years?! You reeeeeeeeeally think so...?) ]]
[[ The warranty, yay, from Typewriter Techs. ]]
I WILL NOT PANIC ABOUT TYEWRITER RIBBONS NO I WILL NOT PANIC
Although we now inhabit a consumersphere rife with such exploitative poppycock as single-serve Nespresso capsules... it is nonetheless easy-peasy to find typewriter ribbons that work for multitudinous models and makes of typewriters. I knew that from reading Polt's The Typewriter Revolution, and a quick Google. Furthermore, Typewriter Techs included this with their shipment:
In case you cannot read the image and/or your brain, like mine, goes into blur mode WITH ANYTHING WRITTEN PLEASEGODWHY ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS, it says:
"ALL ABOUT RIBBONS
"In the 1950s ribbon sales topped 50 million annually, they were the toner of their day. But unlike toner most typewriters will take the same ribbons. There are several direct replacement ribbons available for most machines. If you cannot find one, don't panic. The ribbon itself is identical, only the spool changes. We recommend you purchase the genetic black., or black and red ribbon and rewind it onto your current spools. This is the least expensive and guarantees a correct fit. You can also contact us we stock a large variety if replacement ribbons.
"Cloth ribbons will hold more ink than nylon. Cotton will soak up the ink, nylon it just lays on top of it. A typical ribbon should last about 900,000 characters or about 180,000 words... That's around 500 pages. A good quality ribbon will transfer the ink without leaving excessive ink on the type bars or pages. If the entire type slug is covered in blue, it's probably not a good ribbon to use again. Black only ribbons can be turned upside down and doubled in life."
YE PAD
A related and most felicitous purchase was the Jackalope typewriter pad.Definitely it cuts the noise.
[[ The typewriter pad. Land o' Goshen, why didn't I use one of these before?! ]]
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, YE LOVELY TYPEWRITER FABRIC
[[ My writing assistant remains confused yet pugfully blasé. ]]
A most thoughtful holiday gift from my sister's dog (yes, in our family the dogs give presents): this yardage of neat-o typewriter fabric and I do like it draped over the Hermes, just so. Nope, I am not going to attempt anything on a sewing machine, the typewriter is my own personal Mount Everest for the moment. Must get typing. More anon. > Your comments are always welcome. Write to me here.
Perhaps, dear reader, you have heard of Freedom, the app that blocks the Internet so you can focus on your writing (or whatever offline task). It is not cheap; prices have gone up more than a smidge (ayyyy!) since I purchased it some years ago for a mere USD 10. Nope, I don't use it. End of review. Of course, a more economical alternative for those who work at home would be to simply switch off the wi-fi signal. But never mind, there you are, glued to your computer, same screen, same keyboard, same desk, same chair, and whether you're using the Freedom app or you've turned off the wi-fi signal, either can be reversed (that is, the Freedom app turned off, or the wi-fi switched back on) in a matter of the slight inconvenience of a moment. Staying off-line when you're working on a computer is akin to trying to diet with an open box of chocolates within reach! As they say, Don't think about the pink elephant. Or, elephant-shaped chocolates with a cherry in the middle! Or, for a more au courant Internetesque analogy, Don't think about cats! And certainly not cats wearing hats!
YE OLDE NONELECTRIC TYPEWRITER Yet another strategy for diminishing the pull of the Internet, at least for some writers some of the time, would be to get up from the computer, aka the distraction machine, and hie thee over to ye olde typewriter. My typewriter went to Goodwill years ago. But now, with a book to complete, I am seriously considering going back to using a typewriter. I am old enough to remember typing up my papers for school and college, that satisfying clackety-clack and the little ding at the end of the right margin... The calm. The focus. Speaking of analogerie, I am also, as those of you who follow this blog well know, massively, as in an-entire-parade-ground-filled-with-dancing-pink-elephants-and-cats-in-hats-all- under-a-rain-of-chocolates, massively, relieved to have deactivated my Facebook account. That was back in August of 2015. Yes indeed, having eliminated that particular bungee-pull to the Internet, I have gotten a lot more writing done, and I am answering my email in a more consistently timely manner. So, typewriters. I spent an afternoon of the Thanksgiving weekend doing some Internet research. Herewith: Five Reasons to Still Use a Typewriter By Gerry Holt, BBC News Magazine The Hidden World of the Typewriter By James Joiner, The Atlantic The Typewriter Revolution: A Typist's Companion for the 21st Century By Richard Polt A superb reference written by a professor of philosophy. His blog is The Typewriter Revolution
WHERE TO FIND A GOOD OLD (AND MAYBE REALLY OLD) NONELECTRIC TYPEWRITER Why nonelectric? It might be nice to type in the tipi! But also, it seems that some of the best workhorse typewriters are nonelectrics made back in the mid-20th century. The only nonelectric typewriters currently being manufactured are from China and although cheap, they're crap, so if a nonelectric typewriter is what you want, think vintage. For a rundown on vintage brands and models, both nonelectric and electric, Polt's The Typewriter Revolution is an excellent resource. On his website Polt also maintains a list of typewriter repair shops. You could start combing through the cheapie listings on EBay and Goodwill, and if you have the time and can stand the skanky vibes, peruse the stalls in your local flea market. You might even grab a typewriter for free-- perhaps the one gathering cobwebs in your parents' garage... But it seems to me that, if you want to start typing ASAP on a good vintage machine, the best strategy would be to shell out the clams to a dealer who specializes in refurbishing or "reconditioning" quality typewriters, and who offers his or her customers a guarantee. I should think you would also want to confirm that it will be possible to source ribbons.
UPDATE: Behold! My 1961 Hermes 3000 Pica from Typewriter Techs
A few US dealers who look like promising possibilities:
Olivers By Bee Oliver Typewriters Manufactured from 1890-1930s
So, typewriters. I spent an afternoon of the Thanksgiving weekend doing some Internet research. Herewith:
